Just as everything was going rosey for the American President, an arch villain strikes down on him. Step forward Mr Vladimir Putin, Russian Prime Minister.

The right to free speech and right to ‘take the piss’ out of someone officially died on Wednesday when Google had to remove a picture of Michelle Obama.

An image of the First Lady which caricatured her as a monkey was top of the pops when it came to Google images.

People deemed the image racist, which I can see why. But the topic of the pic was not meant in any way to be racist. Just some people took it as that which in this day and age is understandable considering the amount of political correctness that is evident in today’s society.

At first, Google refused to remove the image but later the image mysteriously disappeared with an apology from the site’s administrator.

Madness really considering some of the more obscene stuff that is on google and every other website. But when you are married to the most influential man in the world, then I suppose you have that power.

Hope Michelle will take a disliking to Big Brother, I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Outta Here and Thierry Henry and get rid of all them too.

Or even better yet, let her take over the internet and rule with an iron fist. If she deems a picture or a video to be rubbish then it is scrapped from the net altogether or else it would be like living in North Korea. How wonderful that would be, heh.

That Yellow Box is something that is being completely ignored these days in this town and it has to be stop, one and for all.

For the past month or so, people who call themselves fit for the road, have been driving me literally around the bend because of their incessant ignorance. It is pissing me off and I cannot stand it anymore.

Here is the damn rules for this.

You must not enter a yellow box junction until your exit road or lane is clear. However, you may enter the box and wait when you want to turn right, and are only stopped from doing so by oncoming traffic, or by other vehicles waiting to turn right.

How I hate when I am waiting to turn into the box and get clear of traffic only for some idiot to pull up into the box as it they did not see it and block my junction. You beep at them and suddenly, not only are they blind, but they are deaf also as they cannot hear your horn.

Yet some idiot claimed they are fit for the road? I don’t know, this town has gone mad.

If you see a box from now out, stay well out of it, because either way, I’m ploughing on. Idiots.

He is one senile old goat that Trapattoni. He has the whole country in a tizzle over the non selection of Andy ‘Guitar Hero’ Reid.

How dare he? Did he not see Reid against Man Utd last week? Well now let’s get something out of the way first. United were absolute muck that day, a bloody shambles from the opening whistle. Had they not, Reid would have not got a sniff, but the fact is they were poor and Reid was marvellous on the day.

The same Reid that Giles and Dunphy called ‘Stout’ and ‘Pudgy’ was at ease whizzing around Old Trafford two weeks ago after losing a stone-and-a-half in the summer.

On the same day, some pup called Martin Rowlands was floundering around for Queens Park Rangers.

So whilst Reid was tearing apart the frailties of England hotshot Ben Foster for Sunderland’s second goal, Rowlands was………well I don’t care what he was at, because I don’t watch the Championship because it is rubbish.

But despite this, someone must have compiled a video of Rowlands’ best moments and played it on YouTube to Trap.

Reid - Jack of all trades

We all know he doesn’t go to games in England. Hell, he doesn’t even go to games in Ireland for the sneer of Eircom League Football. Instead he spends his time playing Mafia Wars and Farmville on Facebook and a day or so before he announces his Ireland squad, he goes onto YouTube, types in ‘Irish players that people have not heard of’ and hey, presto, we get Martin Rowlands and the likes of Sean St Ledger into the Irish team.

Baffling really. You do not see Fabio, sorry Mr Capello calling in dirt players who couldn’t string together five passes in the Championship, never mind International level.

But again, little old Ireland and our happy go lucky attitude means we are quite content to sit back and let him muck around with the fortunes of the Irish national team.

If he had of made one sincere phonecall to that psycho Stephen Ireland, things might have been different. If he had picked Andy Reid or even Lee Carsley in the past, things could have been so different.

We could have taken Italy on from the start and said, ‘look lads, this is our group’.  Instead, we were content to see Trap get away with lucky draws and wins that puts us in a lovely wee play-off spot.

It seems after Staunton’s disastrous reign that we are now happy to get to a play-off never mind the actual World Cup.

Even that header Charlton got us to the World Cup and he did so, not by picking Championship duds, but by picking the best team. Yes, he squandered our chances by playing a rubbish system but at least he got us there.

Rowlands? No, never heard of him

Then we have Trap, who plays a rubbish system with rubbish players, in midfield anyways.

And what do the ever comical FAI do? They give him a new contract before he achieved anything. It’s the blind leading the blind.

So whilst the Irish team play Italy on Saturday night, two of our best players will be sat in England.  One will be playing his guitar whilst he gently weeps and the other (the man-child Stephen Ireland) will be probably be watching his box set of Sesame Street.

But, we are Ireland.  Little old Ireland who should be happy with what we got.  So for now we have a play-off and we should be delighted.  Nonsense.  We should have won the group and with the right players and manager, we could have.

FIFA 10 is out on Friday and everyone is wetting themselves with anticipation. It’s amazing because I remember FIFA on the ye-olde-Sega Megadrive when my mate Dave had it. Some epic competitions there.

I also remember getting the original Playstation for Christmas with FIFA 96.                                    

Jason McAteer and Marc Overmars were on the cover. How times have changed heh?

But after a few years of dominance, something happened. FIFA became poor, shocking actually and a little gem called Pro Evolution Soccer knocked the crap out of it, year after year, until last year.

Last Christmas was the only time I heard a 50/50 split between FIFA and Pro Evo. Normal die-hard Pro Evo heads had suddenly defected to the FIFA side. It was unheard of. It was like changing from United to Liverpool. It just was not right.

Even the people who started to love FIFA felt dirty. It was as if, they were happily married for years, then they had a seedy one night stand playing FIFA and that was it. They chucked out the jaded Pro Evo and settled down again with a new love called FIFA.

This year though, the sides are uneven again as FIFA has done what it has taken ten years to do. It has blitzed Pro Evo. The tide has turned to use the old cliché.

Try finding a Pro Evo die-hard today? It is easier to find a leper. They are gone, exterminated by the glossy new FIFA package that is now being presented.

It’s shocking really, but it has happened. Perhaps Pro Evo will take this on board and finally get off their arse and sort out the license for club names etc and make the game play what it was a few years ago, ie. Frighteningly realistic.

But there is an added incentive this year for Dundalk people, which comes with FIFA and that is the option of being able to pick ‘the town’.

Dundalk FC’s inclusion in the game has been talked about since that faithful night in Kildare when Colin Scanlon’s goal turned heartbreak into ecstasy.

In the midst of all the madness that ensued in the Lilywhite afterwards, it was even brought up that people would now be able to pick Dundalk FC in the game this year.

So what now? First of all, we have to see what FIFA has done with the club. Have they done a decent effort on the kit and character detail or will Chris Turner have an afro and Tiarnan Mulvenna be 6ft 6?

I’m not expecting exact replica detail but it would be nice to sort of look like Dundalk FC. From there, the possibilities are endless. Will people choose to hammer and relegate Drogheda or pip Bohs to the title? People will also have the choice to mill people in the game and judging from a few shady characters that have graced Oriel Park this year, a bit of revenge (although it’s a computer game, it would still be tasty.)

Fans will be able to pick their own formations, their own starting eleven which is sure to create some many nonsensical arguments over the coming weeks.

But most of it, it is a sign that Dundalk FC are Premier League, back where they belong and amongst the elite.

It’s going to be an exciting few weeks, but spare a thought for your old love, Pro Evo, who will be left gathering dust on the shelves. What was once a truly great love is now a forgotten memory. If it was a woman, you would try telling her ‘It’s not you, it’s me. I’m just not that into you any more.” Sadly, that is what it has come down to which is now FIFA’s gain.

So a rumour went around the internet the other day saying that FINALLY, the Beatles collection was available to buy on iTunes.     

Big wow, what do you want me to do? Get out my party hat and let off some fireworks.

Honestly who cares. Here is a tip for those geeks out there who are patiently waiting for the Beatles songs to come out on iTunes.

Eh, buy the bloody album on CD, load it into your machine and upload the album into your iTunes library and hey presto, you have the Beatles on iTunes.

Now what sort of imbecile is going to tell me, ‘Eh, Mr Gary, I would rather wait and buy the official iTunes version rather than download it myself.’

Because if anyone does, then they deserve to be publicly shamed in the square, like in ye-olde days when people were left in stocks to be laughed at.

Or here is a better one yet, never mind buying the album at all, just download the bloody thing off a torrent site and don’t get caught doing it.

Imagine Paul McCartney calling to your door in his thick scouse-old geezer accent.

“Excuse me, but I think you downloaded one of my masterpieces illegally. Your proper in for it now.”

"Quit stealing my tunes man, no their no Lennon's they are mine."

You would bash the old nutter over the head and lock him in your basement, (which would probably be a good thing for the rest of the world.)

Yes Beatles hippees would dig out their old peace signs and corduroy jackets, make some silly little signs and light some candles about the disappearance of a legend, but if his money was sank back into the economy, then the word recession would be all but a distant memory.

It is rubbish when you think about it really, but here in Dundalk we get ignorant gypsies begging for money.

I mean, they do not even put any effort into it. They just stick out their grubby paws and expect you to hand them something. In fact some of them do it with a snide look on their face, as if they cannot believe they are getting the money.

Chances are, most of them are loaded anyways and do this begging just to make a little bit of money on the side. Some of them even sell Big Issues that are two-years-old.

They used to say ‘Want to buy a Big Issue?’ but then it became just ‘Big Issue?’

Now though, it’s just right in your face as ‘Issue?’ or ‘Iss?’ They could not even be bothered, because they are raking it in.

If you do not buy one, do you think they care? No they do not, because they know some sap will come along and give them money right after you say no.

It’s farcical really.

At least Americans have a bit of creativity.

When the homeless people of America hit the streets, you know they are being legit and if not, at least they will make you smile with their efforts.

I just wish some of their Dundalk colleagues would do the same.

Here is a fine selection from the good old US of A.

Madonna collapsed on stage twice at the weekend. Good is all I can say as at least it would have added a bit of craic to the concert.

The 51-year-old wrinkly old granny lost consciousness twice due to exhaustion on Saturday, but carried on with her performance at the Vasil Levski Stadium in Sofia, Bulgaria.

Madonna first fainted during a rendition of her 1983 hit ‘Holiday’, when her limp body was held up by backing dancers until she regained consciousness.

Then, thankfully for the music world she fainted again but the dartardly granny made it through the rest of the show.

Perhaps she will finally understand that she is not the curvaceous young filly she once was when she burst onto the music scene and that now, she really is infact a old git, who should not be jumping around a stage showing us her bits and pieces wearing spandex.

It’s is about the time, the world just said, NO.

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Last week, one of the best things in music happened, EVER.

Noel Gallagher finally laid down the law, 10 years too late and told his talentless brother to ‘Piss Off.’

What is even more strange is that it took him this long to do so and that people were sad about it.

Yes I bopped up and down during their set at Slane Castle this year, but it was hardly vintage Oasis. It was probably the cans that made me do most of the bopping.

In their heyday, they were classic, unpredictable on stage and their sound still sounded edgy and raw.

At Slane, it was like they phoned it in and that all comes down to that idiot Liam. At the start of every tour, the band have to learn the same set of 20 songs, just because he’s too bloody lazy to learn the lyrics of the other songs.

Great live band? My arse. They were that predictable that the Daily Star published their setlist the day of the event, which certainly was appreciated Oasis regulars as they knew when to take their toilet breaks instead of hearing Wonderwall yet again.

The real highlight of Slane, apart from the weather was ‘The Masterplan’, performed by Noel, the true beating heart and creative mind of the band.

It was magical and summed up what Oasis could be, if they kicked out their mouth for hire, Liam.

But alas, it seems the drinking has gone to the heads of the other band members as they are sticking by the overgrown child Liam.   

In a few years, everyone will see that Noel was that band and without him, I hope Liam suffers a Brian Harvey fall from grace.

Noel wrote the best hits of the band and for too long tried to shield people away from that clown brother of his, until lately when that job become too much for any man.

Perhaps if Oasis had a different singer all these years, they would have smashed all the records and their gigs would have been different, with a change of setlist each night.

But instead, under Liam’s orders, he sang the same 20 night after night, thinking that is what made him a proper Rock N’Roll God.

On their day, they were good, very good, but in my eyes, the only God of the band was always on the left hand side to Liam strumming the chords that made them both millions.

]]> http://dundalkmouth.wordpress.com/2009/09/02/oasis-please-let-it-be/feed/ 0 dundalkmouth liam_gallagher BRITAIN-ENT-MUSIC-BRITS-NOEL-GALLAGHER 01 http://dundalkmouth.wordpress.com/2009/09/02/jordan-her-return-to-the-front-page-yet-again/ http://dundalkmouth.wordpress.com/2009/09/02/jordan-her-return-to-the-front-page-yet-again/#comments Wed, 02 Sep 2009 15:16:01 +0000 dundalkmouth http://dundalkmouth.wordpress.com/?p=100 ]]>

I’m back after two weeks off and I am mad to mouth off.

Mad for it, I tell you.

As a regular Democrat visitor would say, the world is at its knees, falling apart and all that people care about is the world of Katie and Peter, as in Jordan and that other clown Andre.

But now, just as Jordan probably would have liked during her marriage, it has been turned into a feisty three way as now there is another fella in the mix, a cage fighter called Alex (and probably a crap cage fighter at that, just as Peter was crap at singing).

Cue countless stories about Peter being shunned and left in the dark, playing the part of a patron Saint, whilst Jordan and her new toy larked about naked in a pool naked for some moaning tourists to complain about.

I’ll defend her slightly on this one, because if it was Kerry Katona larking about topless in a pool, then fellas would even complain about that but to say that fellas were complaining about Jordan getting her airbags out in the pool is surely a load of nonsense.

Anyways, it turns out that after a few more bottles of sun cream, Jordan and Alex were no longer the big scoop. They were soon demoted from Page 1 of the Sun to Page 15 and that was enough.

No more said Katie or Jordan (or whatever she is called now, I’ll call her a hybrid version like Kadon or Jortie),  so she decided to splash her way back onto the headlines. Did she strip off again and let her bloke straddle her in a Toys-R-Us which would have surely caused uproar?

No, she went one bit further and is now claiming that she was raped.

It even fooled me as I hurried to have a sneak peak. Was she raped by the ground-n-pounder fighter just recently or did Pete did it? Surely not Saint Peter?

No, turns out it was neither and it happened over 17 years ago. Deary me, surely we would have heard about it before then in one of her million interviews or in her autobiography even?

Nope, it seems the time to let this shocking story out is when she was knocked off the front pages. Co-incidence? You decide?

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